Home Sweet Home

I’m finally back home from a three-week trip to visit family and do a small handful of speaking engagements. I love to go! Then, I reach a point when my heart starts pining for home. There’s nothing like our own bed, our own space, and our own family rhythm. I challenged myself to go a little deeper on this trip. I worried less about fitting in. I worked more at being authentic. I listened closely for a still, small voice telling me the way to walk out each day in front of me.

Two themes wove their way through my time:

1. Remain
2. Encourage

“Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” ~ John 15:4 NIV

Not everything will go smoothly. This I know. A friend sent me John 15:4 during the early days of my trip, and it kept ringing in my heart whenever I felt overwhelmed. Any moment I sensed stress in myself or in others, I clung to Jesus. “Okay, Jesus, here I am. I am remaining in you. I am abiding in you.” Then, I talked with him about the troubles of the moment. As the trip went on, I talked to Jesus about all the moments. Like when I scooped up my grandson a millisecond before he put his hands on a hot stove. Or when I got to say, “I’m proud of you!” to a sweet boy who needed to hear it. Or when I made meatballs and everyone said, “Mmm.” Or when I cajoled my granddaughter into wading into a garden for a picture…a moment later, noticing the “no walking in the garden” sign. (Oops.) Or when my car said I had a flat tire, but just the air pressure sensor was bad.

“I want you to know how much I have agonized for you and for the church at Laodicea, and for many other believers who have never met me personally. I want them to be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love. I want them to have complete confidence that they understand God’s mysterious plan, which is Christ himself.” ~ Colossians 2:1-2 NLT, emphasis added

My sobriety from codependency was put to the test on this trip, too. I want to be a fixer, but the problems aren’t mine to fix. It is prideful to think for a minute I have all the answers; I do not. The Apostle Paul’s thoughts in Colossians were my instruction kit. How can I encourage people? What is my part in the knitting? The middle sentence became the constant answer to my silent prayer, “What do I do now?”. The answer was to encourage and knit us all together as best I could with strong ties of love.

Love. No judging. No fixing. Only encouraging and knitting.

So I knit my heart to my grandson, who has chosen to call me Nanny (and I LOVE IT). We “read” books for hours. We splashed in sprinklers. We bounced balls and laughed big belly laughs. I held my tears for my final goodbye until they could spill in my car.

I knit my heart to my granddaughter as we walked through a botanical garden, explaining everything I knew about each plant and what made them special and unique. We peeled shrimp together, and we shopped in little boutique gift shops. We ate ice cream first and lunch second. I learned she is good at math (just like her grandma) but doesn’t really enjoy it (and that’s okay).

And I knit myself to a lovely woman named *Petunia, who has been sober from hard drugs and alcohol for 19 years. I told her she is a hero of the faith to fight this fight of sobriety with Jesus. She’s hurting now from other life issues, and I will keep praying for her. I listened to other women talk through their battle scars, and they encouraged me greatly. Some of their wounds are still raw and painful, but they are working hard at recovery! They have formed a tight community of overcomers to see them through it. [*Name changed to protect confidentiality.]

Each time I got up to speak, I was keenly aware my struggles in life have been ordinary. They are not unusual. I wish they were. They are hard struggles, painful to the core. But unfortunately, I’m not alone. So many others have experienced the same kinds of hurts. Worse kinds of hurts, too. When I was sharing about my struggles, I wanted to share encouragement. Jesus will help us figure things out when we give him the chance. Jesus makes miracles out of our messes. Jesus walks through any door that’s open to him.

So I learned some knitting skills on this trip, but my favorite lesson learned is that I can travel well with my 34-year-old special needs daughter. I noticed her superpower this time: she’s a social chameleon. She can visit for hours with people of any age. Like running through her knock-knock jokes with her grandma. Like giving her uncle a hard time for taking big bites of his breakfast sandwich. Or becoming her nephew’s competition for a day (even though he’s only two years old). (P.S. It ended in a tie.) And how she took to her cousin, who doesn’t have many friends, but likes to play video games and was willing to teach her. Traveling with my daughter will be an essential ingredient in the future. I feel it. We’ll be two peas in a traveling pod. Now I know this is doable.

What I learn a little deeper each time I hit the road, is that the world is in desperate need of encouragement. People need to hear more of “I love you.” They need more of “I see you,” “I believe in you,” and “I’m proud of you.”

So, friend, God sees you. He knows you’re working hard at life. So keep going. Keep trying. Keep breathing through it. Open the door, and let Jesus in.